It is a natural process for our brains to scan other people and rate them by their looks. Someone’s appearance is the first thing we notice – whether we like it or not. For thousands of years it has been an important survival mechanism than helped our species to thrive for so long. But we’ve come a long way from hiding in cages from an enemy tribe. So what do looks mean now?
Basing one’s value on their appearance might get called superficial and vain in today’s society. Unfortunately, it is engraved in our biology and it is very unlikely that we will see it changing any time soon. Proper education and parenting should help young people to know that looks might be deceiving, but all of a sudden, the focus from the outside shifted towards the inside. Living in an individuality-oriented world might be nice for people with healthy coping mechanisms, and yet bring so many struggles for some of us that have been less fortunate. Seeing so many people around ourselves forces us into a constant comparing-mode and it takes a conscious effort to stop it from happening in the back of our heads. Among many other issues this could lead towards a disorder that is often overlooked as a minor self-confidence flaw – body dysmorphia.
Just love yourself the way you are. You are valuable the way you’ve been created. Everyone is special in their own way. There is nobody like you and that is your superpower – all of these statements are true, but they might be feeding a toxic underlying message. If you do not really believe these things deep inside, it is nothing but deceiving and lying to yourself. It is important to start at the root of the issue, and not treat the symptoms. Excessive diets, countless gym memberships, expensive surgeries and endless other treatments will fail to fill the void inside, time and time again. It is my opinion that first and foremost one should fix the relationship with themselves, before any real change can find place. So who is responsible for this ruined relation?
To answer shortly – probably it was a parent figure somewhere in the early childhood. We have deep beliefs about ourselves that we keep repeating in the narratives we have in our minds. It would be wise to understand where is this voice coming from and whom it belongs to. A lot of times it could be telling us we are not good enough. It could be saying that we have no control. It could be saying that it doesn’t matter anyway, because nobody cares about us. Finding that narrative and overriding it with positive messages is detrimental in order to achieve progress.
At this point it is absolutely critical to treat ourselves with kindness. Give ourselves the comfort, understanding and forgiveness that we lacked in our past. Realizing that now everything is in our control and we need no supervision from anybody else – we decide what happens and what choices are being made. With a bit of a patience new thinking and behavioural patterns can be created that will lead to an easier and a more pleasant life. Freaking out and stressing out will only be counterproductive, but there is no time like now to plant that seed of kindness.
I am no big fan of the whole body-positivity movement and self-love narrative, but I do think there are some principles we can borrow from them in order to start some productive change. Prioritizing one’s health should always stay in the focus – physical as much as mental. A lot of times physical state is the reflection of the mental (and vice versa) so whichever place we choose to begin, it is better than doing nothing.
Once we stop putting our bodies in an alarm-state, I am sure they will allow some positive change.
Love,
Faja
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